Modern Morning Sickness

I had morning sickness, afternoon sickness, and evening sickness the first two trimesters when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. I lived on graham crackers and baked potatoes. Baked potatoes with fat free sour cream and chives clipped from my garden—the topping was a requirement. If you haven’t experienced the peculiar vagaries of pregnancy nausea, it might sound strange to think of craving curdled milk when you are on the knife’s point of hurling, but pregnancy sickness is different than stomach flu or bottle flu or any other kind of tummy wobbles. Yes, it might be tamed by the usual: dry toast, 7-Up, peppermint; but it is just as likely to be managed by spicy, sour, or bizarre flavors as well. You can be in the bathroom one minute, shouting at Huey, come out, wipe your face, and demolish a bag of Doritos the next.

When it was at its peak that year, I had a gig held in a church basement, doing a state-wide training for the Attorney General’s office. I hadn’t had my job very long and this was one of my first chances to prove myself in front of a major funder. My stomach was not being supportive of my career aspirations. Graham crackers were the only thing standing between me and utter humiliation. And I only had one left.

I explained, as I began to speak, that I understood munching while public speaking was a departure from decorum but the consequences if I did NOT would be far worse. About half-way through my presentation, I gestured widely, as I’m wont to do, and the last piece of the last quarter of my last graham cracker went flying. I watched it skid across the stained tile and land between the tables where my audience sat, taking notes. They saw it too. So did the vigilant eye of said major funder. At that moment, I’m pretty sure I felt the Eye of Sauron on me too.

*shrug* Whatever. Not missing a beat in my sentence, I pursued the cracker, picked it up off the floor, and ate it. Some pregnant women eat unfired clay pots, what’s a bit of dirt and lint?

More from the Glenwood Cook Book, 1933 for any fellow graham cracker fans.

Graham Cracker Cake

½ c shortening

1 ¼ c sugar

3 eggs, separated

1 c milk

½ t salt

3 t baking powder

1 t vanilla

1 c chopped nuts

3 c finely rolled graham crackers

Cream shortening, add sugar and continue creaming. Add egg yolks and mix them in. Add vanilla. Stir baking powder and salt into the cracker crumbs, then add dry ingredients alternately with the milk to the creamed mixture. Add nuts and beat well. Lastly, fold in egg whites beaten stiff. Bake in two layers at 350° for 30-35 minutes. Put layers together with jelly and top with whipped cream or serve as cake a la mode.

Modern Apple Pie

2 c graham cracker crumbs

½ c softened butter

2 c applesauce

Whipped cream

Blend cracker crumbs and butter. Lie pie plate with mixture, patting it down firmly with the finger tips or spatula. Bake at 350° for 15 minutes. When ready to serve, fill with cooked applesauce and cover with whipped cream. Cut out in sections as ordinary pie.

If you actually read the foregoing recipe, like me, you probably said, “Really? Really?” What kind of applesauce did they serve that you could cut it with a knife and scoop it out of a pie pan? I know applesauce comes in many degrees of lumpiness to silky smooth baby style, but give me a break. This sounds like someone trying to justify a last minute heroic effort to stave off culinary disaster. And now she’s got to keep up the pretense, even going so far as printing it in a book. “Look, it’s right here. I don’t care what your sister thought. Modern Apple Pie, do you see that? Mod-dern. Jeesh, you are hopeless.”

Think I’ll stick with oats and coconut, can’t go wrong with that.

Rolled Oats Cocoanut Cookies

2 c brown sugar

1 c butter

2 eggs, beaten

2 c oats

½ lb shredded cocoanut

Cream sugar and butter and add the egg, then stir in oats and cocoanut. Mold into small cakes with hands or drop by spoonfuls on an oiled cookie sheet. Bake at 375° for 15 minutes.