Hamburger nightmares

Ug, I feel awful today, can’t hardly move and stuffed-up head. The smoke alarm went off for no good reason last night and woke me up; I didn’t get back to sleep until about 5:30 and when I did I had dreams that would lead to commitment proceedings if I relayed them in full. Let’s just say: something to do with a squad of adolescent boys in mummer’s outfits and skeleton masks climbing up the roof into my second story bedroom window to kill us and me fleeing into the living room to find twin versions of a previous coworker of mine, looking like the girls in the Shining, come to borrow some milk for a party next door, and the worst part of it was, I stepped in dog poop on the carpet.

I did eat unusually late last night. It was after nine before I and some of the band tucked into onion rings and blue cheese burgers the size of my head at a retro-themed diner. And it was easily a day’s worth of calories and a week’s worth of salt and fat. I was so stuffed and groggy on the way home I nearly followed the wrong car onto an off ramp for the wrong suburb. 

So I am going to confront the burger demons head-on with a slate of historic recipes…if I can focus my eyes enough to read.

Hamburg Steaks

The genuine Hamburg steaks are rich in onion and very rich in fatty matter, too much so to be wholesome; so we will modify them, that they may be eaten even by dyspeptics or persons with weak digestion. Put twice through a meat chopper the tough ends of steaks or bits of the round. To each pound of this meat allow a half teaspoonful of celery seed, a teaspoonful of grated onion. Form into thick even cakes, being sure that the center and sides are the same thickness. These may now be broiled over a clear fire, or under the gas lights in your gas broiler, or they may be dropped into a thoroughly heated iron pan. As soon as browned on one side, turn and brown the other. If the steaks are an inch thick, it will take eight minutes for perfect cooking. An exceedingly satisfactory way is to brown them quickly over a hot fire, then put the pan in the oven and allow them to cook for five minutes. Dust with salt, season with a little butter and pepper, and send to the table on a very hot dish; or serve with brown or tomato sauce. If they have been cooked over the fire, or in the oven, put a tablespoonful of butter into the pan in which they were cooked, add a tablespoonful of flour, a half cup of stock, and a half cup of strained tomatoes. When boiling, add a teaspoonful of salt, a dash of pepper, and pour over the steaks.

From Made Over Dishes by Mrs. S. T. Rorer

Deviled Hamburgers

1 1/2 lbs. chuck beef, ground

1/3 c. chili sauce

2 t. prepared mustard

2 t. bottled horseradish

2 t. minced onion

2 t. Worcestershire sauce

1 1/2 t. salt

fat or salad oil

Combine first seven ingredients. Shape into 10 cakes about 2" in diameter. Brown in a little hot fat in a skillet for 4 minutes on each side or broil in a broiler oven for 4 minutes on each side. Serves 4-6.

From The Good Housekeeping Cook Book, 1942.